Chapter 13 - MALCOLM’S SHARE OF THE BLAMERosa listened as Malcolm described the school incident.
They sat on a bench in Freedom Park.
She did not look surprised.
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
“I thought it was only happening at home.”
“That’s because you thought your house had walls around its values.”
Malcolm looked at her.
She shrugged.
“Children carry home everywhere.”
He nodded.
“Blake admitted you never did anything to him.”
“That is a low standard for progress.”
“I know.”
“He is not suddenly fixed.”
“I know.”
Rosa studied him.
“You say that differently now.”
“What?”
‘I know.’”
Malcolm almost smiled.
“My sister told me I say it too much.”
“Smart woman.”
They watched runners pass.
A dog pulled a teenager toward the lake.
For several minutes they said nothing.
Then Malcolm said, “I owe you more than an apology.”
Rosa’s expression cooled.
“Don’t pay me.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“Good.”
“I mean I owe you an explanation.”
“For what?”
“My absence.”
Rosa looked ahead.
“You don’t owe me your marriage story.”
“No. But I need to say something.”
She waited.
“I always thought Colette was demanding. Particular. Difficult with staff sometimes.”
“Sometimes.”
“I told myself it was personality.”
Rosa said nothing.
“I also told myself that because I paid well, gave bonuses, covered health insurance, treated people politely when I saw them…”
“You were a good employer.”
“Yes.”
“You weren’t cruel.”
“No.”
“You just weren’t there.”
Malcolm nodded.
“That can be its own kind of permission.”
He looked at her.
The sentence hurt because it was accurate.
“I left Colette in charge because it was convenient.”
“And every time an employee left?”
“I accepted whatever explanation she gave me.”
“Why?”
“Because investigating would have meant conflict at home.”
Rosa turned toward him.
“There.”
“What?”
“That is the part rich families rarely say.”
Malcolm waited.
“Sometimes employees lose because the truth is inconvenient to the people who have the power to ask for it.”
He absorbed that.
“Denise lost her job because listening to her would have created a fight with your wife. Carla lost hers. Thomas probably did too.”
“And you.”
Rosa shook her head.
“I left.”
“After my son hit you.”
“Yes.”
“Because I failed to see what was happening.”
“Yes.”
Malcolm stared at the pond.
“Do you ever make anything easier?”
“When somebody has spent years having things made easy for them?”
She smiled slightly.
“No.”
Malcolm laughed.
It was the first real laugh he had managed in days.
Then Rosa became serious.
“There is someone else.”
His smile disappeared.
“Who?”
“Carla.”
“I know about the bracelet.”
“You know your wife found it.”
“Yes.”
“But I don’t think that was all.”
“What do you mean?”
“Carla came to see me six months after she was fired.”
Malcolm turned fully.
“You knew her?”
“She found me through Denise.”
“What did she want?”
“She asked whether Mrs. Sterling was still using staff reimbursement cards.”
Malcolm went still.
“Why?”
“She had seen Colette charge something.”
“What?”
“Carla never told me.”
“Why not?”
“She was scared.”
“Of Colette?”
“Of your family.”
Malcolm looked down.
Rosa continued.
“She had just started another nanny job. She thought if the Sterlings called the new family, she would lose it.”
“Did Colette threaten that?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did you tell Carla?”
“That I hadn’t seen anything.”
“At the time?”
“I hadn’t.”
Malcolm stood.
“I need to find her.”
Rosa nodded.
“I have an old number.”
She sent it.
Malcolm looked at the contact.
Carla Mendes.
Before leaving, he turned back.
“Rosa.”
“Yes?”
“Why did you stay?”
She knew exactly what he meant.
Why stay after Denise?
After Carla?
After seeing Colette’s behavior?
Rosa looked across the park.
“Because I liked Blake.”
Malcolm’s expression shifted.
“He was not always like this.”
“What was he like?”
“Funny. Curious. He used to ask me why the moon followed the car.”
Malcolm smiled sadly.
“He used to cry when spiders got killed.”
Rosa nodded.
“He learned cruelty.”
The sentence gave Malcolm an unexpected kind of hope.
Because learned things could sometimes be unlearned.
Then Rosa added:
“But don’t make the mistake of thinking that means he isn’t responsible.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.”
She stood.
“And don’t make the bigger mistake.”
“What is that?”
“Turning yourself into the hero because you finally noticed.”
Malcolm looked at her.
“I’m not.”
“Then we agree.”
She walked away.
Malcolm remained beside the bench.
For years he had imagined himself as the reasonable one in his marriage.
The calm one.
The generous one.
Colette had been difficult.
He had been decent.
May you like
That story had protected him almost as effectively as Colette’s lies protected her.
Because decent people, Malcolm was beginning to understand, could still benefit from not looking.
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