Chapter 18 - THE APOLOGY SAMANTHA COULD NOT ASK HER TO ACCEPTThree days later, Samantha asked Rachel to meet.
Not at the cabin.
Not at Rachel's house.
A coffee shop halfway between them.
Rachel almost refused.
Then she thought about Noah and Emma.
Whatever happened between the adults, their children were now connected.
Rachel arrived first.
Samantha entered five minutes later.
For several seconds, neither knew whether to hug.
They didn't.
Samantha sat.
"I don't expect forgiveness."
"Good."
Samantha flinched but nodded.
Rachel had spent nights imagining this conversation.
In some versions she screamed.
In others she walked away.
Reality was quieter.
"Why him?"
Samantha looked down.
"Michael?"
"Yes."
"You were my best friend."
"I know."
"Why?"
Samantha's eyes filled.
"You and Michael were fighting constantly before the wedding."
Rachel remembered.
Wedding stress.
Money.
Diane.
Michael working too much.
"It doesn't matter."
"No. It doesn't excuse it."
Samantha twisted her coffee cup.
"But you asked why."
Rachel waited.
"I was jealous."
There it was.
Not alcohol.
Not confusion.
Something uglier and simpler.
"Of me?"
"Of how certain you were."
Rachel almost laughed.
"I wasn't."
"I thought you were. Career. Marriage. Family. You always seemed to know where your life was going."
"And you wanted Michael?"
"I wanted someone to choose me."
Rachel felt anger rise.
"So you chose my fiancé."
"Yes."
Samantha didn't hide.
That made it harder to hate her cleanly.
"Did you love him?"
"I thought I did for about a month."
Rachel stared.
"And after you got pregnant?"
"I hated myself."
"Why stand beside me at the wedding?"
Samantha began crying.
"Because Diane had already threatened my father, and Michael had ended things, and I convinced myself the baby probably wasn't his."
Rachel shook her head.
"You watched me marry him."
"I know."
"You helped button my dress."
Samantha covered her face.
"I know."
Rachel looked out the window until her own tears passed.
"Nothing Diane did erases what you did."
"I know."
"Nothing Michael did makes your part smaller."
"I know."
"But what she did to you afterward was wrong."
Samantha lowered her hands.
Rachel continued.
"Both things can be true."
Samantha nodded.
"Yes."
Rachel took a breath.
"What happened with Eric?"
"I believed he loved me."
"I'm sorry."
Samantha laughed sadly.
"Maybe that's my punishment."
"No."
Rachel surprised herself.
"That's exactly Diane's way of thinking. Pain doesn't become justice because someone made a mistake."
Samantha stared.
Rachel wasn't offering absolution.
She was refusing Diane's worldview.
"What do you want now?" Rachel asked.
"For Noah?"
"For yourself."
Samantha thought.
"I want to stay in Illinois."
Rachel hadn't expected that.
"Why?"
"Noah wants Michael."
Rachel's chest tightened.
"And Emma."
"He talks about her constantly."
Rachel almost smiled.
They'd met twice since the first introduction.
Emma had already decided Noah needed instruction on which cartoons were acceptable.
"What about you and Michael?"
Samantha immediately shook her head.
"No."
"You kissed him."
"Yes."
"Don't lie to me again."
"I'm not."
Samantha leaned forward.
"That kiss was grief. Not a future."
Rachel stayed silent.
"If Michael were single tomorrow, I still wouldn't want him."
Rachel believed her.
Maybe because Samantha looked exhausted rather than romantic.
"Do you want me to leave?"
Samantha asked.
Rachel thought carefully.
"No."
Surprise.
"But I'm not ready to be your friend."
"I understand."
"We may never be friends again."
"I know."
"But Noah shouldn't lose his sister because of us."
Samantha began crying.
Rachel felt tears rise too.
They sat silently.
Then Samantha reached into her bag.
"I brought something."
Rachel tensed.
Samantha pulled out a small box.
Inside was Rachel's wedding bracelet.
Rachel stared.
"I gave this to you as your maid-of-honor gift."
"I know."
"Why do you still have it?"
"Because I couldn't throw away the last thing you gave me before I ruined everything."
Rachel touched the bracelet.
Memories flooded back.
Samantha laughing in the bridal suite.
Michael knocking on the door.
Diane complaining about flowers.
A day Rachel once considered one of the happiest of her life.
"Keep it."
Samantha looked surprised.
"Why?"
"Because pretending those years never happened doesn't change them."
Samantha closed the box.
Rachel stood.
At the door, Samantha called her name.
"Rachel?"
She turned.
"Michael told Noah the truth."
"About what?"
"The affair."
Rachel frowned.
"He's nine."
"Not details. He told him that he hurt you and that none of it was your fault."
Rachel waited.
Samantha continued.
"Noah asked whether that meant he was a bad thing that happened."
Rachel's chest tightened.
"What did Michael say?"
"He said Noah was the one good thing that came from something he deeply regretted."
Rachel looked away.
That sounded like the Michael she had once believed existed.
Maybe he still did.
Just not consistently enough.
"What did Noah say?"
Samantha smiled through tears.
"He said, 'Good, because Emma says I'm okay.'"
Rachel laughed softly despite herself.
Then her phone rang.
Michael.
She almost ignored it.
But something in her body told her not to.
She answered.
"What's wrong?"
His voice was panicked.
"Emma's missing."
Rachel stopped breathing.
"What?"
"I went to pick her up from school. They said your father already got her."
"My dad?"
"I called him. He didn't."
Rachel's blood turned cold.
"Who took her?"
Michael's next words brought Sunday dinner rushing back.
May you like
"The school says a man showed identification showing he was authorized by Diane."
Eric Dalton.
