Chapter 15 - EMILY’S BLUE NOTEBOOKEmily had a notebook too.
Blue cover.
Hidden beneath Olivia’s music box.
Thomas asked permission before reading.
Emily gave it reluctantly.
Inside were rules she created for herself.
DON’T CRY WHEN DAD CALLS.
DON’T SAY RACHEL IS MEAN.
DON’T MAKE LUCAS CRY.
DON’T TALK ABOUT MOM AT DINNER.
DON’T GET MINUS 10.
Then:
IF DAD ASKS IF I’M OKAY SAY YES FAST.
Thomas had to stop.
Emily watched him.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I should have asked better questions.”
“You did ask.”
“How’s school?”
“How are you?”
“How’s everything?”
Emily shrugged.
“Rachel said if I paused too long, you’d know.”
Thomas felt sick.
She had coached the performance.
Another page:
REDWOOD HAS HORSES. MAYBE IT WON’T BE BAD.
Then:
IF I GO, DAD CAN BE HAPPY.
Thomas closed the notebook.
“No.”
Emily stared.
“No what?”
“You were never required to disappear so I could be happy.”
She started crying.
Thomas held her.
His daughter had turned exile into sacrifice.
That was what Rachel’s manipulation had done.
Not simply fear.
Moral burden.
Emily believed keeping her father’s marriage mattered more than her safety.
Thomas whispered:
“I’m the adult.”
“You are never responsible for protecting my marriage.”
“Never.”
Emily cried harder.
Later, she asked:
“Do I have to hate Rachel?”
Thomas looked surprised.
“No.”
“Everybody acts like I should.”
“You don’t have to feel anything on schedule.”
“I’m still mad.”
“Good.”
She almost smiled.
“Good?”
“Anger can tell you something mattered.”
“But you decide what to do with it.”
May you like
Emily nodded.
That was a better rule.
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